Just Keep Breathing
by emily2323
Summary: One-shot. Rob looks back over his life when Jess left for the war, their unhappy reunion, and his feelings as she left for Juilliard. I don't reccomend you read this if you haven't read Missing You, it won't make much sense. NOT A SAD ENDING.


_Hello again! Wow, I have some apologies to make to all of you for making you wait so long for some new stuff! I've just been so busy over the past months that I haven't had time to add new fanfics (lame excuse I know, but it's the only honest one I've got). I'm torn about whether I'm going to do a sequel for Captured anymore, simply because I do not get enough reviewers for it to seem worthwhile to me, but we'll see..._

_Heaps of thanks to __**.confuscious.**__ for giving me the idea for this one-shot, I'll admit I was doubtful at first, but I found that I couldn't get the idea out of my head, so I just had to write it! :) Adapted it slightly though, because I didn't want to leave it on a sad note. _

_So, basically, this is about Rob looking back on his life when Jess was out helping in the war, and then leading up to their unhappy reunion and her leaving, again. Enjoy :) And __**REVIEW **__please. :)_

_*Update* 2nd Jan 2010 - slightly changed the beginning due to people telling me Rob seems OOC, hope it's a bit better, and may change it a bit more later. _

* * *

I'll never forget the day Jess left. Even if I live till I'm a hundred years old, I'll never forget that day.

I mean, don't get me wrong - I understood why she had to. I totally understood. It was a _war, _after all. And she had a talent -a _gift- _that could help. She was only doing what she thought was right, for the good of the nation.

I guess she's always been like that though - selfless, I mean. She always prioritised others before herself. That was always something I loved about her; she was completely altruistic.

I remember our conversation like it was yesterday; she came to my house to tell me. I was working on the motorcycles in the barn when she walked in.

***

"Rob," she murmured gently, her voice barely louder than a whisper.

I turned around from the bike at the wall to face her. The smile that had been creeping onto my face immediately vanished when I saw her expression. She looked serious. And, well, when Jess looks serious, it usually means something's wrong.

She seemed to be struggling with finding what to say next, so I decided to help her out.

"Mastriani," I urged, taking a small step towards her, "Is something wrong?"

She shifted uncomfortably on her feet. "We need to talk."

The moments the words slipped out of her mouth, my heart began to race. _We needed to talk?_ Everyone knows that those four words usually ended with a breakup.

Well, it would end with a breakup if we were actually going out, that is. Which we are not. Because Jess, unfortunately, happens to be jailbait. Not to mention that her mom doesn't like me all that much. It's just too complicated for us to be together right now.

But I told her I would wait. I _promised_ her that the minute she turned eighteen, I would be back. So why would we need to talk? Did she not want to wait anymore? Was that it?

I'd like to think I hid it pretty well though – the fact that in these few, silent seconds, all these formidable thoughts were passing through my head, I mean. It's not like I could let Jess see my shock. Because it wasn't like I was actually her boyfriend, or anything – no matter how much I wanted to be.

But, despite me not being her boyfriend, when I looked up at her face again, the only words running through my mind were _'Don't dump me Jess. Please don't dump me. Don't dump me Jess...'_

"I have to go, Rob."

_Don't dump me Jess. Please don't –_

Wait, what?She had to go? Where? And _why_?

"Mastriani," I started coolly, hiding the fact that my heart was pounding frantically like a humming bird, "What are you talking about?"

She straightened her posture, and took a small step towards me. "The war, Rob. They need me –_ really _need me. I can't just sit back and watch anymore. I have to go."

As the words fell from her lips, I instantly wished that she _had _been planning to break up with me. Because Jess helping in the war, also meant her being in danger. And I _really _didn't want her getting hurt. Not again.

"I don't think that's a very good idea, Mastriani."

"Why not?" she demanded, her brows furrowing in confusion.

I removed my hand from the table and folded my arms across my chest. "Wars are dangerous, Jess. You could get hurt."

"And me staying here is going to cause more innocent people to get hurt," she said, aggravation seeping into her voice. "They need help Rob, and I'm the only person who can give them it."

"Like hell you are!" I rebuked angrily, "They have plenty of help. They can cope by themselves Mastriani."

She took another step towards me, and lifted her gaze to my face, staring straight into my eyes. "I can't just let people die, Rob." Her expression deepened, her eyes glistening wetly. "I can't. You have to let me go."

I took a final step towards her, my face hanging over hers, and held her gaze. She stared back at me, her warm, chocolate brown eyes fixed on mine, and her soft, full lips set in a smooth line on her face. Her cheeks were tinted with a seraphic golden glow, slightly obscured by the shadow of her delicate cheekbones.

"No."

Her eyes fixed harder on mine, trying to stare me down, but I wasn't going to succumb. I looked back at her, fixated by the way her dark eyelashes rimmed her perfect, almond eyes. A beat passed, and her gaze dropped momentarily with a small sigh, before looking back up at me, the anger in her eyes now replaced by something much softer, an emotion I couldn't identify.

"Rob, please," she breathed, "I _have _to."

We were standing so close that I could feel her gentle, warm breath on my lips, taste her sweet smell on the tip of my tongue. Her rich complexion was flawless, her lack of makeup only highlighting her natural porcelain beauty, throwing her features into greater relief.

I don't know why I did what I did next. I mean, I told myself I wouldn't. I told _Jess _I wouldn't. But hearing that she was going to leave, and seeing her face so close to mine just made something in me snap. And even looking back on it now, I can't bring myself to regret it.

So I kissed her.

I watched the way her eyes immediately grew wide at my actions, seeming shocked at the feel of my lips against hers. I panicked momentarily, seeing her shock, and was about to pull away, when her eyes relaxed, and her eyelids slowly fluttered close. I followed her actions, letting my eyelids drop over my eyes, and wrapped my arms around her slight waist, pulling her closer to me. Her lips gently parted, and the tenderness was suddenly gone, replaced by burning desire that flamed bright and tingled on my lips. But despite the scorching heat, chills shook gently down my spine, pushing me closer. My tongue lightly probed her mouth, flickering gently over hers, and her hands reached up and tangled themselves in my hair.

She broke apart, and smiled up at me with one short laugh.

"Does this mean you'll let me go?" she smiled mischievously.

It's not that I changed my mind. Oh, don't get me wrong – I still _really _wanted her to stay. But what choice was there? She wasn't going to listen to me anyway – her asking me had really been her _telling _me that she was leaving. She had already made up her mind. And I thought it better she left with us on good terms, if I wanted any shot at a future with her.

"I guess so," I smiled back, and leant back in to plant a soft kiss on her lips.

I know I shouldn't have been kissing her so much. But come on, - if your would-be girlfriend was leaving for god-only-knows how long, you would have been kissing her too.

***

A long hour later, we both emerged from the barn. I gave Jess a lift back to her house –or the corner of the street, I guess – and watched her walk away until she was out of sight, before returning back to my house.

And then she was gone.

I guess, for the first few days, it didn't really feel any different. I mean, I was used to not seeing Jess for days at a time – we rarely got opportunities to see each other, but we still managed it on a sporadic basis. But as the weeks passed, and the fact that she wouldn't be back for a long time set in, my heart ached for her presence.

I relished in our memories, my mind constantly finding its way back to her everywhere I went. I kept up to date with the news on a strict basis, repeatedly checking for anything about Jess, or the war.

My thoughts circled around her, keeping me awake at night. I ached with worry, wondering where she was, and hoping she was okay – and _alive_. I flicked through my scrapbook of her for hours on end, staring at her pictures and reading the articles on her, reassuring myself that she was fine.

_Stop acting like such a girl, Rob_, I would tell myself. _She'll be fine. _

I regularly stopped by the comic shop, to ask her brother how she was doing – not that he was any better informed than I was, but it still gave me a sense of comfort. And Douglas was actually a really nice guy, once I got to know him. It finally gave me an insight and understanding as to why Jess favoured Douglas over the rest of her family members. He was undoubtedly kind.

The months passed slowly and in strange lurches, each tick of the second hand a sharp twinge that passed through my body.

It's true what they say, you know. '_You never know what you have until you lose it." _Never before had I missed something so much. I missed everything about her. I missed the way her supple lips felt against mine on the scarce occasions we would kiss. I missed the way her smile would light up her eyes, and her pearly teeth would glisten. I even missed the way her eyebrows would furrow and her hands would clench into fists when she was mad at me.

I realised that I had to find _something _to occupy myself with – to take my mind off Jess. So I looked into college. After all, that was one of the things her mom disapproved of, right? That I didn't go to college? So maybe enrolling would persuade her to change her opinions on me....

Yeah, fat chance, I know.

But I did anyway. I mean, improving my education could only be a good thing.

College wasn't nearly as bad as I had thought it would be. It was actually pretty cool. There was way more freedom than high school ever had. I was surprised that I actually enjoyed it.

And then my uncle retired. I wasn't exactly shocked when he told me. I mean, the guy was getting old – it was only natural that he'd want to retire eventually. But when he told me he was selling the garage, I saw it as the perfect opportunity to prove myself to Jess's mom, that I wasn't just a useless Grit. So I bought it, with the money I had saved up from fixing up old bikes in the barn.

I was surprised at first, at how much income the garage brought in. I had never realised it was such a profitable business – as the owner, anyway. So when my mom moved to Florida with her boyfriend Gary, I didn't think twice about buying the house from her too.

I still missed Jess like crazy, and craved her company, keeping my thoughts set on when we would reunite. I kept myself busy, refurbishing the house and the barn, working at the garage, and going to college part-time. And most of the time, it helped. But there were still nights when I'd lie awake and think of her until the sun rose in the early hours of the morning.

I was completely shocked when Jess' name started to pop up in the newspapers again. I panicked at first, thinking she had been hurt. But the headlines implied otherwise. '_Lightning Girl, Out Of Spark?' _I checked every paper, read every article that so much as _mentioned _her. And they all said the same thing. Jess' powers had run out.

I wasn't sure how to react at first. I wasn't even sure if it was true. But I thought it over. If it was true, then that's a good thing, right? I mean, wasn't that what Jess had always wanted? To be free of her powers? And, if it wasn't true, and Jess had only said it to get out of the war... Well, then I didn't really blame her.

And then one day, during one of my periodic visits to the comic shop were Doug works, I found out she was back.

"Where is she?" I asked excitedly, when Doug told me the news.

"She's at our house," Doug smiled, "You should go see her. She'll be happy to see you."

"Yeah..." I beamed, placing my money on the counter, "Yeah. I think I'll go see her now. Thanks Doug."

I was out of the door and running for my bike in next to no time. She was back. She was finally back! I couldn't wait to see her.

I hopped on my bike, slamming my foot down on the accelerator, and sped off in the direction of Jess' house.

I was so excited; I couldn't keep the smile off of my face. I could show her the garage, and the barn, and the house. I could tell her that I'm going to college. And she was 18, at last – I could _finally _be with her.

I reached her house quickly and jumped off my bike, striding up the path and knocking on the front door.

She opened it, revealing herself to me for the first time in over a year.

She was just as beautiful as when she left – even more so, in fact. Her features seemed slightly more mature, but her inviting brown eyes still held the same winsome charm that had always intrigued me.

"Jess," I breathed, a grin falling onto my lips, "It's so good to see you. How-"

"Get the hell off of my property, Rob."

I drew in a quick breath. I had imagined several different responses from our reunion, but this had not been one of them. Was she joking? I mean, I couldn't have done something to upset her. I hadn't seen her in such a long time.

My eyebrows furrowed, and then relaxed, replaced with amusement. "What are you talking about, Jess?" I laughed.

"I'm not an idiot, Rob," she almost shouted. "I saw you with that blonde."

To say I was confused would be an understatement. I was completely bewildered. I knew she had lost her powers, but had she lost her _mind _too?

"What blonde? Mastriani, you're not making any sense."

She took a step forwards onto the porch. Her face was red with anger. "I saw you kissing that blonde at the garage, Rob. So don't come here and act like we can go back to how we were. Now, get out!" She paused between each of her last words, her narrow eyes staring daggers at me.

But it hit me. Who she was talking about, I mean.

Nancy.

She was a customer at the garage, and had stopped by because of problems with her carburettor. And yes, it was true that she had kissed me. But she _always _kisses the mechanics. It's not like I kissed her back, or anything. And I had told her off for it – why hadn't Jess seen that?

"Jess, firstly, _she _kissed me." I started, trying to calm her down, reaching out to grab her arm with my hand.

"Don't bullshit me, Rob!" she yelled, violently shaking her arm free of my grip.

"I'm not, Mastriani! What the hell is wrong with you?!" I reached out again with both hands to grab her by the shoulders. I tried to compose myself, speaking in a calmer and slower tone. "Jess, you don't know what it's been like for me – not knowing where you are, or whether you're safe. I've been waiting for you to get back, not going off with other girls."

She stared at me for a second, her eyes filled with hurt and agony, glistening wetly in the afternoon sun. She looked weak and exhausted, her eyes drooping tiredly and that brilliant smile that I had loved was nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly, she disrupted the motionless scene by placing both her palms on my chest, and pushing me backwards with enough force that it almost knocked me over. Whatever she had lost in the war, her physical strength was not one of them.

I stumbled back, but recovered my footing quick enough to not fall to the floor. I twisted on my feet just in time to see Jess walking away from me, back towards the front door. But I couldn't let her go – not without another try.

"You know something, Mastriani?" I asked quietly.

She stopped walking, but didn't turn, and instead stood facing the door in silence.

"What, Rob?" she breathed tiredly, her voice barely louder than a whisper. Her shoulders slumped, worn by the stresses she had battled through with dauntless courage.

"The Jess I'd known wouldn't have run away, just because she saw some girl kissing me."

Her clenched hands relaxed slightly, falling out of their tight fists, letting her fingers flail loose. My words had obviously hit home.

I carried on with concerned caution, not wanting to distress her any further.

"And the Jess I'd known would have stuck around and knocked my - not to mention the girl's – block off. So why didn't you now, Jess? Can you explain it to me?"

We stood, motionless, the seconds passing in dragging lulls. The only audible noise was that of our steady breathing, or the occasional car that passed down the street. She stood fixed to the spot, completely still, apart from the odd twitch of her delicate fingers.

Each tick of my watch dragged out, suddenly uncomfortably loud to my ears, and I began to consider that maybe she hadn't heard me. But just as I was about to ask again, she slowly turned on the base of her feet to face me. And the look on her face was something that could make even the coldest of hearts melt on the floor in a gooey puddle of pity and despair.

"You know what, Rob?" she asked faintly, her eyes, dull with fatigue, boring into mine as if she could see straight into the depths of my soul. "Maybe I'm not the Jess you knew anymore."

And with that, she took her final step into the house, and slammed the door on my face.

I stood there, my feet sinking into the lush green grass of her yard, watching the minutes fly by. All I could do was stare at the small red door that separated me and her. I wasn't sure how to feel. I should have been upset. I should have been angry. I should have been anything other than what I was. Which was, totally blank; my mind a void, an empty container holding nothing but oblivion.

So I walked away, got on my bike, and drove home.

I couldn't process the rest of the day, couldn't focus on anything. I felt numb, empty, right up until I fell asleep that night.

The next morning, however, I was in a slightly better state-of-mind to make judgements about the situation. I decided that the only way things could be resolved, would be to go see her again. And I really, _really _wanted to resolve things.

But when I got to her house, her parents told me the news. Jess had got the spot at Juilliard. And she had taken it, without so much as a word to me about it...

It's strange how time continually passes. Sometimes it flies past. Other times it creeps along, traipsing one step behind. Sometimes it's a good thing, edging you closer and closer to a positive turn in your life. Sometimes it feels like a curse, dragging you along, further and further towards the end without any means of stopping. But whether we like it or not, it's always there, always passing, always ticking. And pass it did, even when each minute lingered with the memories of what used to be. And as it passed, I reached an important realisation. I wasn't sure what Jess needed – what could revive her winsome spirit and her lively nature – but whatever it was, I couldn't be the one to give her it. So I didn't chase after her. I didn't call. I didn't write. I stopped reading the articles about her. Because there was no point. I wasn't the person that could give her what she required. And through learning this fact, I discovered something that proved much more excruciating than any bruise or broken bone.

And that was, a broken heart.

***

The faint click of a closing door jostled me from my reverie, causing my previously glazed eyes to blink and scan the surroundings of the room. I was in my living room, sitting on the couch, the TV remote loosely clutched in my left hand. I gazed out of the window, the brilliant night stars glittering beautifully against the dark sheet of black sky. I couldn't remember how long I had been sitting here. I didn't know how long I had let my thoughts run away with me for.

The living room door creaked open, and Jess walked in, clutching some books and a paper. "Hey," she smiled, throwing her things down on the table with a gentle _thud_, "Sorry I'm home late. Things were busier than I thought."

I watched her in astonishment as she strode over to the couch and took a seat next to me, slouching against the backrest and letting out a relaxed sigh. Her eyes were closed, and she took in a few deep breaths before opening them, and looking at me. I gazed back, and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, her head tilting slightly to one side.

"Why are you staring at me?" she demanded, one of her hands reaching up to nervously sweep back some of her soft brown hair.

"No reason," I mused, "I was just...thinking."

"Thinking?" she asked suspiciously, her nervousness now replaced with amusement, "About what?"

I could have told her. Oh, I could have told her all about how I had been re-living my grief over her leaving in my head. I mean, she would have understood – it was hard for her too.

But all of that was in the past now. There was no need for me to bring it up, or even a _desire _to. So instead, I smiled gently at her, and with a quick kiss on the forehead, dismissed her question with a quick, "Don't worry."

She looked at me in confusion for a while longer, before letting out a loud laugh and leaning into my side. I raised my arm and draped it around her shoulder gently, feeling her warmth through the thin fabric of my t-shirt.

"You're really weird sometimes, you know that?" she smiled. "Seriously, you're worse than-"

I cut her off with a single kiss on her lips, her soft face in my hand, my heartbeat racing at our touch.

You know, I was telling the truth when I said I'll never forget the day Jess left. Even if I live till I'm a hundred years old, I will _never_ forget that day.

But, now I think of it, I don't actually mind all that much. Because through her leaving, I discovered something that proved, ultimately, worth all the pain.

Because, that thing that Jess needed? The thing that could get the Jess I knew – the _real_ Jess - back? Yeah, well, after everything, that turned out to be the one thing that I thought couldn't help at all.

And that thing is, _me._

* * *

_Well, there you go! Good? Bad? Downright awful? Tell me what you think, with a __**review**__! _

_Thanks for reading :) Emily, x_


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